I doubt it’s a huge secret that I’m quite unlearned in the arena of religion in general. I’ve been to church three times in my life: once with my Catholic grandmother, and twice to a Christian church to see if it was for me (it wasn’t). I’ve always admired people who’ve grown up with religion, who have had it around their entire lives to do with it what they will, even though most of the time it was shoved down their throats. I don’t blame my parents as they were both resentful Catholics and didn’t want me to resent God, but I feel like I was never even given a chance to see what it was all about.

So I’ve grown up agnostic by default. I’ve had inklings and curiosity but overall I’ve consistently felt like the ability to decide whether or not God exists is largely beyond my powers of reasoning. Though I’ve been wondering, I’ve never really taken the steps to even begin learning because religion seemed so vast and unpenetrable. I attempted to read the Bible once or twice but the language turned me off before I’d really even begun. I always felt like reading translations other than the KJV was cheating.

Once I started getting more deeply involved in my scholarly pursuit of literature, however, I realized that I could no longer ignore the Bible. I’m lucky (blessed?) to be studying at the University at Buffalo, where the opportunity of a strictly literary study of the Bible has opened up.

Though it is by far one of the most low-pressure courses of my semester, I’m finding myself drawn in. Okay, so it’s repetitive and the language is outdated (and who is to say whether these are just literary/oratorical devices, faults of printing/copying, or purposeful?) but I’m awe-struck at the violent and power-hungry attitudes of a God that is so revered on such a broad scale.

I’ve only read Genesis, Exodus and Deuteronomy so far, but I’m starting to align with Jewish beliefs as much as I am able, not being of Jewish descent or raised with religion. At 22, it’s even more difficult to begin truly believing in something that is inherently difficult to believe in. But a lot of things in my life and in literature are slowly but surely becoming much more clear and I am so incredibly grateful to have the opportunity to study the actual Bible without the pressures or instilled beliefs of a priest, rabbi, whomever to color my reading.